Remembering You

Seeing the loss that some of my friends have dealt with lately really has me thinking about all the friends I lost a few years back. Highschool was pretty rough. Not so much the school part of it but the fact that I lost 8 friends in three and a half years. Some that I wasn't very close to, but others that were my best friends. Teachers told me that I "hung out with the wrong crowd" and that they'd drag me down right with them. But most of these people were the kids I grew up, so of course I didn't listen.. Looking back now, it seems so crazy. Going to funerals was like second nature... that feeling should not be normal for anyone, especially at 17, but it was for me. And wierdly enough, I thought everyone my age went through this.. until I went to college and my friend Josh passed. My friends there didn't know what to say, they'd never known anyone to die, let alone someone so young.

Of all the people I lost through those years, one in particular still makes me tear up. Forrest was like a big brother to me growing up. He lived next door for as long as I could remember. He was my brother's best friend and quickly became one of the family. He did whatever he could to look out for us.. all of us. I remember when I started partying my parents said that as long as Forrest was there, I could go. Because they knew if he was there nothing bad was going to happen to me. I remember getting mad at him because I'd try to talk to a guy and he'd come over, put his arm around me and be like "don't you know this is my little sister?!" and walk me to a group of girls. His energy was amazing, and his smile would light up a room. Hearing that he was gone broke my heart, and still does. I can't believe it's been 8 years...

I've never been one to remember dreams. I've woke up and thought to myself "that was wierd" but never actually remembered the dream.. except for once. The Christmas after he passed I dreamed he was sitting on my bed and he told me not to worry, he was okay. It was so real.. some times I wish I'd dream of him again, but I never have. I'm sure he's my angel, still looking out for me.

Now when I think of Forrest I wonder what he'd be like today.. if we'd still be as close as we were then.. I wish he could've met Evan and Bill.. and his nephews (they look just like him).. I could go on and on..

He'd be 29 tomorrow. Crazy.

I love you and I miss you.